Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Finally.... a nap

Chris cuddling his boys before he left for his shift.

Yesterday I was bemoaning my lack of sleep. On the verge of exhaustion, I prayed, "Lord give me rest." Today, my prayers were answered, but not in the way I'd imagined.

I greet Wednesdays with fervor. On Wednesdays, all of the boys attend school for at least part of the day. With a mounting Christmas shopping list, this particular Wednesday was welcomed with open arms.

The morning started off strong. Caleb easily got off to school. Connor was next in line. As I was escorting him to the school bus, he clutched his stomach and announced he felt ill. Now comes the bad mothering....here's how I responded:

Me: Oh no Connor, I'm sure you're fine. Maybe some fresh air will make you feel better. Just walk out there in that 6 degree weather and I bet you'll be fine.

Connor: No, I'm really feeling sick.

Me (starting to get a little anxious): Connor, I really think you'll be fine. Why don't you at least go to school and if you feel sick you can go to the school nurse.

Connor: I really think I'm going to be sick.

Chris (now entering the conversation): He really doesn't look good.

(How can I argue with an actual doctor?)

At that point, an inner temper tantrum began to erupt. I was mad at him for ruining my productive morning. I was mad at him for not allowing me to get anything actually accomplished. Then finally, I was mad at myself for being so insensitive, and angry at a child who had no control over his health. I was mad at myself for not seeing Connor desperately needed a mom to care for him and show him just a sliver of sympathy.

I stopped and reprogrammed my mind on how I thought the day would progress with how the day will likely unfold. I did squeeze a few errands into the morning, but realized quickly Connor just really needed to be home. At home, we lay on the bed and I read him a few books. I noticed my eyes were started to droop, so I proposed a nap. Pretty soon, we both lay side by side snoozing. Later, I thought how I can't even remember the last time I took a nap with Connor (probably when he was a baby).

It's funny how God answers prayers. My to do list is as long as ever, but my exhaustion has been lifted. For that, I am grateful.

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