Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Going through the Next Door of Motherhood

Connor was the spotlight kid of the week in his kindergarten class. I got to read to his class today! What a treat!

As my sons are nearing the end of the school year, I’ve noticed their teachers are doing little things to prepare the boys for next year. Caleb’s teacher has been demanding a little more from him. Connor will practice eating in the school cafeteria in a couple of weeks (in preparation for next year’s full day school). Collin’s teacher has requested he walk by himself into the classroom (rather than carried).

Some boys have ecstatically greeted the change; Connor can’t wait to devour a school lunch! Others have been less enthused; Collin walked into the classroom while clutching my legs and erupting into tears.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m preparing to enter the next stage in motherhood. It seems that the days where the schedule revolved around naps and feedings are coming to a close. Now, school calendars, sports practices, and homework assignments monopolize my time. Next year, I’ll have two boys in full day school, and one in preschool. I suppose I’m eyeing up next year’s calendar (and years to come) and wondering: what will I do?

I suppose I’m reacting in many ways like Collin; I’m clutching the doorframe, and resisting the change. I guess I’m just not sure what lays beyond the door, and how I’ll feel about it. In many ways, it reminds me of the emotions I held when I ditched the work world for the life of a stay at home mom. It was an adjustment period, as I changed everything from my wardrobe to my purpose. But, I grew to love the extended moments with my children, and cherish the many opportunities I had to develop relationships with them throughout the day.

Now, I’m contemplating where the next chapter of my life will lead. As more hours in the day free up, where should I spend my time? With those hours be filled with some sort of employment or become busy with other commitments? As much as my Type A personality wants to plan out the next few years, I’m thinking I really just need a period of prayer and contemplation. As anxiety grows over the future, I pray, “God, I know you have plans for me and my family that are for good. Open my eyes to those plans.”

So, I’m preparing to walk through the next door, imagining it won’t be so scary on the other side.

No comments:

Post a Comment